I am Suzanne.
Suzanne I am.
I’m here to help. I really am.
Here is your crew; they’ll help you, too.
Camille and Beth and Stasia—that’s who!
We dress you well and keep you clean,
but help us out, or we’ll get mean.
Here are some rules for you to follow.
They’re like a pill, not hard to swallow.
The
first rule is: "Do not go bare!"
So know exactly what to wear.
If you have questions, you should ask.
We’ll give you answers; that’s our task.
Before
you put on the things you should,
Please make sure that you smell good.
For this, deodorant is necessaire.
So is wearing underwear.
The
third rule for you to keep in mind
is to your costumes (and crew) be kind.
If you must eat or drink while dressed,
wear a robe over all. That’s best.
In the green room is where they stay.
Please put them back at the end of the day.
Rule
number four for you to remember--
from January all the way through December--
is to hang your costumes very neatly.
One piece per hanger. We’re asking sweetly.
For coats, use wooden hangers, please.
And don’t hang trousers by the knees.
Hang them from the hems with clips.
(And by the way, the crew takes tips.)
If
you have any problem - one or two -
There’s a repair list in the shop for you.
Write your name and what needs mending.
We’re here to fix it. We’re not pretending.
As
for laundry, we’ll do that, too.
But you can help; here’s what you do:
In the basket, toss your undies:
T-shirts, socks, and women’s sundries.
Gentlemen, if you’ll do us this favor:
(the crew will find it a real timesaver)
Safety pin your socks in pairs.
It will eliminate the "whose?" and "where’s"?
Remove
any jewelry that is your own.
Better yet, leave it at home.
Smoking
in costume will bring you trouble.
You’ll lose your job, and we’ll hire a double.
When
we get to make-up, here’s a rule
(probably something you learned in school):
Wash your hands completely clean.
Make-up on costumes makes us scream.
(We do our screaming quietly, though.
You’re the actors, not us, you know!)
And
here’s the final rule today:
(I know you’re thinking, "Oh, Hooray!")
Our Director and Designer are the responsible pair.
They determine what you do and wear.
If you do not like the way you look,
please keep quiet or we’ll get the hook.
I thank
you for your rapt attention.
There’s nothing I forgot to mention.
Oh, wait—I do believe there is. . .
You all are terrific!
That’s why I’m in this biz!
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